peace

A good day.

I'm realizing how ungrateful I have been. *And I thought I was perfect? ha..
I'm so grateful for the outpouring of help and support from friends and family and people I don't even know.

I'm grateful even tho my husband can be onery, I get to still look at this ridiculously hot face. I'm grateful my little tike is HOME.
I'm grateful he's hooked up to only one tube as opposed to the many in the hospital.
I'm grateful Trey loves his swing, and I can rest while he's in there (even tho I feel so guilty!). I'm grateful for cell phones so I can at least talk to my mom.
I'm grateful for low sugar, high fiber instant oatmeal which I have now eaten for 3 meals.
I'm grateful this is my first child and everything else will seem easy after this.
I'm grateful I went to Paris before I got married so when "real life" days are awful, I can at least remember Paris. I'm grateful for this song.Please listen to it. The video is sort of wierd, but the song has been on repeat for me all day.

we're home. treyson got to come home with oxygen. he's still sick, but improving daily. mom, on the other hand, is now sicker than a dog. AWESOME. But no time for me to be sick...there is too much to do.

Nostrils to be suctioned, oxygen tanks to be fixed (pain in the butt), breasts to be pumped, fussy baby to be comforted, laundry to finish, binkies/bottles/blankets to be sanitized, doctors appointments to be made, hospital bills to be paid,etc etc etc. In addition, we are house bound for another MONTH. I can't take Treyson anywhere and with TRevor's longer hours, it is quite possible I'm going to lose my mind after 2.5 months home with him already in order to AVOID RSV...haha what a joke.

Needless to say, I'm so grateful he's getting better...but folks, I'm exhausted and morale is low. I hope Jack B. makes me feel better tonight.

Trevor is funny

Little Trevor. I was making Trevor listen to my new favorite singer, "Priscilla Ahn".
(One song is on my player or find her here)

His response:
"Oh I hate this. I hate this. I absolutely despise it. I hate it! I guarantee this lady sits around sipping all organic, natural green herbal tea in San Francisco, eating 100% organic, all natural, no trans fat, wheat crackers made out of recycled penguins wearing brown hiking shorts with hiking boots and greasy hair with hairy legs.
I seriously hate it. Turn it off."

He's so strange. I think this hospital room is making us nutty.

treyson took a step backwards last night. doctor's last words to me this morning?
"We hope to have you guys out of here by Monday."

i have nothing else to say.

Documentation

Day 1 - At the pediatricians before he sent us to hospital

Day 2- The worst day of my life.

so sad.
Day 3 -All hooked up.

Feeling a bit better. Loving the big bed.
FINALLY smiling again.

(bad quality b/c from my phone)

If baby Trey can make it through the night without oxygen, we get to go home. And folks, we need to go home.

i love little trey.

Not Out of the Woods...Yet...

Those were the doctor's words to me at 7am, after another sleepless night.
Treyson is showing SOME improvement, but he's not whole yet.
His oxygen levels are still a little low - esp. when he's sleeping and he still need some suctioning. We could go home tonight, we could go home tomorrow. Only time will tell............AHHHHH!

Venting time. I have never been so exhausted in my life. EVER. sometimes the nurses have to tell me things a few times because I'm so delirious. I about collapsed last night and called Trevor at 4am in a panic. I couldn't even find the 2 on the phone to speed dial. I sat there for 5 minutes looking for it.

My mom asked me what I wanted if I could have anything right now. Obviously, for TRey to be better, but my request is one of pure selfishness. I want to spend one day with TRevor and Trey shopping, eating out and then get my hair done. I just want to have FUN and not feel worried/burdened/sick/stressed. Part of me feels like I haven't even been able to ENJOY Treyson like I expected because we went from hospital to house arrest to sickness to hospital again. This little man is def. giving me a crash course in parenting.
However, he is the awesomest little booger I've ever met. He just needs to start breathing normal AND eating more. Poor kid's lost some weight which we worked so hard to put on his rear.

(If only his mother was following suit.)

Oh, and please pray the cows don't get out again. I can't do another day without Trevor. :)
Appreciate all your kind words and support. It's truly gotten me through this.

Another Day at Beautiful St Lukes

Not much as changed, but he DID smile this morning -which was huge for him. A nurse bathed him and I spiked his hair and dressed him and it made me feel happy. We are so blessed for the simple fact he is EATING. Most RSV babies won't eat and they need IV's.

I slept in a rocking chair some of the night and once, woke up to his monitor alarm. I looked at the screen before I looked at him and it was red and blinking with the words "APNEA", I about died. But the little man was indeed, alive and kicking (literally). His monitor just came loose. Imagine that scare!

Trevor went to work today after being up all night. That man is seriously hard core. Treyson is sleeping a ton so I'm enjoying the beautiful scenery of the hospital room. i'm tired.i smell funny. i look like crap. i don't care.

No word on when we can go home. We wait till he can breathe on his own and doesn't need deep suction. Deep suction involves a long cathedar being stuck up his nose and down his throat and SUCKING while he chokes, coughs, screams and mom holds him down. AWESOME.

Our goal is to rack up a million dollars in hospital bills. Just for fun. Then, I'm going to send them to Obama to bail me out. I'm ordering the free food every 5 minutes. You better believe I'm getting my money's worth! If anyone ever comes to this hospital, consult me about the menu. I know what's good and what's not.

SAD NOTE: I was talking to a nurse today about the fact that there are babies here NOW and many all the time who have to stay here alone. Either their parents don't want to stay, or can't stay with them. These little babes are ALL ALONE and experiencing a lot of pain/stress. I cried after she told me. I want to go hold these babes, but I can't risk TRey getting something else. If you have the time or means, what a great experience. She said they LOVE volunteers to come and help bc the nurses just don't have the time to hold them as they deserve.

3am

Maybe I'm a big loser for posting on our blog at 3am, but there's not many people awake at 2am to talk to, and not much to do either. Plus, it's theraputic for me. :)

I'm just sitting here in an awesomely comfortable chair staring at Treyson and watching his oxygen monitor. Any time the numbers drop below 90, a ridiculous beeping noise starts. He's trying so hard to get good air, but everything is so clogged up, he can't. He just wheezes, snorts and coughs. He can't get great sleep as a result. I can hold him, but he gets mad because he's so hooked up to different monitors and there are so many tubes.

Found out we probably won't be able to go home till 1) they can stop deep suctioning him 2) he can be off oxygen day/night for 24 hours. Of course, my greatest concern is Trey, but I have to be honest and admit the looming medical bills are always in the back of my mind. u.g.h.

This could be a long haul, but I keep praying and realizing how little faith I really have. I've decided Trey and I are just too young for this.
I've also decided Trevor is a rock star. AND, I've decided, I'm really tired. Go and kiss your healthy babies and thank God you are doing a 3am feeding instead of a 3am "check if he's breathing."

Time to suck some boogers. bastards.
(sorry mom.)

Updates

Figured this was the fastest way to update EVERYONE.

Treyson is in the hospital. I noticed a slight change in his breathing early morning and took him right into the doctors at 8am. They noticed his oxygen levels were not where they should be and very irratic. The doctor came in around 9am, checked Trey out and sent us to St Lukes Hospital in Boise.
We have been here all day.

Treyson is doing okay. He's been hooked to oxygen all day. On the oxygen, he's breathing just fine. When they take him off, especially when sleeping, his levels are just too low. In addition, they are giving him breathing treatments and suctioning his nose/throat and have him on EKG.
We'll be here at least overnight, but there's no telling when he'll show improvement and be able to breathe on his own.

He's slept all day. ALL day. The suctioning is about the worst thing I've ever seen. You think 2 months SHOTS are bad??!?!? HA! I have to leave the room and even Trevor thinks it's awful to see. I had to go to the bathroom because I thought I was going to puke.

A lot of people have wanted to see pictures, but I'm not posting any. Honestly, I don't want to remember this. Sorry....He looks AWFUL. His eyes are red and swollen. He's pale. Theres a million tubes hooked up to him. He doesn't talk. Doesn't cry. Just lays (lies?) there and looks comatose. Coughing.

People keep asking how I am doing. I'm surviving. I've felt a lot of peace during all this thanks to a lot of prayer. Trevor and I are EXHAUSTED - emotionally and physically after the last few nights awake, watching Trey. We're dreading more hospital bills - though of course, it's worth any amount of money. We're trying to stay positive and reflect on the many blessings of this situation.

We caught his RSV early. We have an almost 12 lb. 7 week old baby and not a little week old baby. I get free milkshakes here since I'm a nursing mom. The breast pump they have here is AMAZING. I have amazing friends and family who send presents (thanks again Jenna and Q) and call and shower us with love. We have made new friends through this experience in the wierdest ways. We truly KNOW our family will be together forever. no matter WHAT happens.

We know Treyson is getting the best care possible and we believe he will be fine.

My whole life has changed so drastically in the past 7 weeks. This experience is the greatest trial I've ever gone through. I've struggled with "feeling" like a real mom since Treyson was born, and now I feel the greatest burden as his mother. Please pray for the little guy. I have no doubt, with enough prayers, Treyson will fully recover into the happy active baby he is.

We love you all!

Diagnosis from Hell

Treyson has RSV.
My nightmare come true.
He won't stop crying. neither will his mom.
He can't stop coughing.
He's on 24/7 monitoring. If his condition shows no improvement/worsens, we are hospital bound.

Please pray for our little guy and his little respiratory system.

I'm not so good at this mommy stuff. if anyone has had experience with this, please contact me. I'm pretty scared.

Tuckered Out

Treyson is tired. He had the busiest week of his 7 week life. Meeting Papa Ponder, Uncles Logan, Austin and playing non stop with Aunt Katie and MiMi AND meeting Uncle Ryan and Aunt Emily was the best! (He's still waiting for Ryan and Kali!)

He had a blast and learned so much from them (He now tracks objects and imitates like mad!). He's also a really great dancer thanks to Uncle Ryan R. However, now, he is a tired little guy and trying to catch up.


We had such a great time with everyone and are sad to settle back into the boring daily routine (though we all do need some sleep!).

Ghetto Leprechaun

(Jennifer Ray - your video inspired Trey's outfit.)

To Aunt Kali P.

his head looks big.

Manipulation

Why is it that men, such as Trevor, feel the need to disrupt every angelic moment with some profane action?

Treyson's Blessing

Perfect Day. Perfect Baby. Perfect Blessing.

My Attempt to be Positive on a Less than Positive Day

Today, I'm glad I'm not a single mom.

I'm glad I have pictures to remember what was once my body and tan; hence motivating me to run daily at 530am starting next week....heaven help me.
(and yes, my sister in law is gorgeous)

I'm glad my little bros (and mom/dad/sis) are coming this weekend!

I'm glad Trey is a little less fussy today and lying on my lap as I type.

I'm glad I haven't had any problems with breastfeeding till yesterday.

I'm glad it's sunny and a little warmer today.

I'm glad Trevor has a job...when many people don't now-a-days.

I'm glad I got 3 packs of Huggies yesterday for $5.

Needs.

I NEED A VACATION TO SOMEWHERE WARM.

No, seriously. I'm actually having dreams about beaches and daydreaming about sun while I stare at the walls of my lovely house. AND to make matters worse, it seems like everyone BUT us is planning a vacation or on a vacation to somewhere fabulous.

Reasons why we can't go:

1) Trey's too small still

2) 4874307589347 baby cows coming = 47893724692 hours of work for Trev.

3) Stretch marks and extra baby poundage are not conducive to bathing suit wearage

4) We want to save money instead of spend it - esp. in this economy

5) Trevor says no.

That's all I have to say today.

Here's to those of us who can't go on vacation due to : babies, work, money, practical husbands and other various reasons.

blah.

Breastfeeding Advice?

Breastfeeding continues to throw me some curve balls. My milk has been FINE. Then, today, it's SO low. I do NOT understand why! I'm drinking/eating etc. I don't get it.

Someone shed some light on me. I'm frustrated and Trey's hungry.

first smiles

Prayers are Answered

These days, I pray for weird things.

Like, for my son to poop.

Nothing like a good poop. Even if does make mom dry heave.
Be careful what you pray for.

Rogaine and Proactiv

Both products Treyson could probably use right now.

At one month, Trey continues to be the perfect baby. This kid is sleeping all night, rarely cries and is SO happy and content. I feel so blessed because I know it's a rarity for a newborn to be so EASY. I seriously think it's because Heavenly Father knows I'm a wuss and couldn't handle a difficult baby. I swear he has Trevor's personality. So independent, laid back and calm - not an emotional wreck often, like his mom. :)

For the memory book. At ONE month Treyson:

- Weighs 9 lbs. 12 ounces (from 7lbs 4 oz)

- Eats every 3 hours during day, 4 at night

- Sleeps 11pm-6am (Feeding at 2am)

- Falls asleep to Norah Jones .and only Norah. seriously. He loves her! Trevor is concerned. He also likes Akon. Whenever I turn on anything Akon, Trey starts to kick and flap his arms. It's crazy....

-Enjoys choking on his saliva, giving his mom a heart attack

- Can roll from his front to back

- Smiles (5 weeks). Still working on this, but he's especially smiley in the morning and in bath.

- LOVES baths.

- Will only poop in a perfectly clean diaper.

- Farts like an old man - SO loud

- Would often rather be kicking around on the floor by himself than be held.

- LOVES his cradle swing

- HATES to be woken up

- Has gross acne and is losing his hair. ugh.

- Has grown out of Newborn diapers.

- Is still a stud.

DIAPER WEARING FOOL

For those of you sick of my baby jabber, I apologize. I promise once we can get out of this house, I'll actually have something else to talk about. I hope.

Discovered this great site thanks to Jenna. DIAPERS.COM

Decent prices anyway, BUT with this code: AFF10 you get $10 off a $50 purchase.
PLUS there is free shipping on $50 orders.
PLUS if you print out proof of purchase and go here: http://www.diapers.com/helpcenter/parenting.htm (I FIXED THE LINK. SHOULD WORK NOW)
You can get a $15 rebate.

FYI that's an awesome deal. So stock up. seriously. And Kali, they don't ship to Alaska. I checked. Guess you'll have to move closer :)