Trials - To Remember

(In bed with the flu and trying to document these emotions....)

A dear friend of mine from our growing up days in Kansas recently had twin girls. It's been neat to see her experiences just a few weeks ahead of mine. She delivered at 35 weeks, two beautiful, healthy girls and said this about the experience (Hope she doesn't mind me quoting her.)

"I have said several times during this pregnancy (and I'm stating it here), that I do believe that carrying twins has been the most difficult and challenging thing I have done here on this earth. "

To be honest, I haven't felt this way untill the last few weeks. It's almost as though my physical body is beginning to shut down. (And I do not even want to mention the emotional drain and TERRIFYING fear I feel of having two newborns and a toddler.) I DO NOT want to lessen the pains a mother pregnant with one baby feels. Those are real. Pregnancy is never comfortable. Nevertheless, twin pregnancy is a whole new level. As I'm sure, and hope to never experience, a triplet pregnancy would be a whole new level. Sometimes, it makes me frustrated when even people I love try to compare my experiences with theirs. I know they are trying to relate out of love, but no one will ever "get it" till they go through it. Just like I can never truly understand what it's like to lose a child, or have fertility issues - till I go through it myself. (Though, I am eternally grateful for those true friends who have tried all they can to show compassion. I've really recognized true friends lately.)

That being said, I've found myself often at the point of "I can't do this anymore". Not the "wow, this is uncomfortable and I'm tired", but the point where I know my physical body can go no further. My stomach can not stretch to the capacity it needs to to hold 13-14 lbs of baby plus 2 placentas plus fluid. My hips can not handle the pressure. My back can not bend down to pick up my two year old. It's not a matter of heart or "pushing myself" - some things simply have physical limitations.

In the past 48 hours, Treyson came down with a fever, and then I got it today. Perfect timing right? I can literally barely walk thanks to nerve problems in my back and my baby is sick. I begged my husband to come home from work to take care of us, but he was in the middle of something and can't exactly leave 300 cows roaming around town. Impossibly impossible.

As I lay in bed, having a well deserved emotional breakdown, I realized something very simple. Every single experience we have in this life creates an opportunity for us to turn to our Savior.

Every. single. one.

That is the purpose.

Some of us have harder physical trials. Some, harder emotional ones.

Some might seem "easy" to others but be horribly difficult for us.

Each is unique to the needs of our Spirit.

For some reason, that thought made me feel a little bit better.
Not a lot, but a little.

I know this pregnancy will end in the next weekish.

The reward will be great.

And then, a new set of challeges will come as I seek to be a sane, kind, mother of 3.

And when limitations are reached - physical or emotional, I hope I can remember to turn back to Him once again.

And, I hope to remember that what might not seem like a huge trial to me, might be impossible to another. That is an element of empathy I really want to learn.

Prepare Yourself.

I hope these pics make you laugh as much as they did Trevor and me. Not ONE of my maternity dresses fits any longer. They are all WAY too short. Even this frumpy shirt/skirt combo left my gut hanging out, but hey, when you're THIS pregnant, you have a free pass. I even considered wearing my sweats to church......but, got vetoed.

And no, I'm not standing crooked, my belly just makes me really lopsided.

Here's to being the equivilant of 46 weeks pregnant,

and a cervix apparently made of cement.

We're in a little over our heads right now.

At least the house renovations are keeping my mind off the fact I'm almost 36 weeks pregnant with twins and measuring 45 weeks (that's really large in case you were wondering).

The worst part? The sound of your skin ripping as it stretches. Guess I won't be wearing my crop tops anymore.

darn.

Go Big or Go Home

This has become the motto of 2011 apparently. Besides the obvious changes coming to our family soon, there had to be one more element to shake things up. A house.

In the period of about 2.5 weeks, a new listing came up, we bid, we bought, we closed. It was a killer deal, in a killler Parma location and Trevor gets the start of his acreage. I get a headache.

No, I really am not complaining. The timing is a little interesting and combined w/my physical inabilities and normal pregnancy stresses, it's been hard not to let it overwhelm me.... but I really feel like Heavenly Father is taking the whole "situation" and carrying us through it to the place we need to be. It's a good place.

The house is nothing fancy (it's Parma, remember), but WE aren't that fancy. It's perfect for a little (are we considered large now?) family and a few cows. And no, I'm not that excited. Which might sound stupid to you - but the way I look at it, we don't own it. The bank does. When I pay off the house in 6-9 years (yes, insane goal, but our goal) then we can all be excited and have a party and take pictures of us jumping in the air.

The house needs a lot of cosmetic work, and I've been working like a mad woman to pick paints/flooring/tile/appliances/windows/doors etc etc etc......mostly from behind my computer screen. We have spent many nights at Lowes/Home Depot with me in the little old people cart scooting around (They're not as fun as they look. They need to go faster!) and Trey on my lap and Trevor is his poop encrusted clothing looking dashing. It's a little nuts...but honestly, these memories will make me smile. Especially when you consider how ridiculous our lives are going to be.

Nut House, I tell you.

If anyone has any great remodeling ideas or knows anything about matching tile to countertops or wants to sell me furniture - share the info. I'm drowning.

Grateful though. Have I mentioned the twins are almost "full term"? Sigh of relief.
And a little blurb about the fair haired favorite. He got his chicken pox shot yesterday and had his first bad reaction to shots. (I have seriously been so freaked out). All night he had a fever and cried "Ow, mommy Ow. SHOT". He can hardly put any weight on his leg either (not that he has much weight my 20th percentile anorexic child). I've been keeping close tabs and hoping it's just a couple day thing. Anyway, this morning he was actually happy for a little bit while eating his grapefruit, and wanted his picture taken. NEVER happens. Don't you love the hilarious faces these 2 year olds come up with?
CUTE.

Blogging Blah

Somewhere between 34/35 weeks. I've lost track.

Nothing new here. Just trying to get through each day and accomplish at least ONE thing. This pregnancy has really challenged me mentally and physically. I honestly had no idea how hard it would be. My pregnancy with one baby now seems like the biggest breeze ever. I do remember being uncomfortable with Treyson, but with two (esp. the last weeks) it is painful. Like, go to bed and instead of sleeping, cry all night despite the large dosage of Tylonel PM. Isn't that pitiful? I just try to keep reminding myself that every day they are in there is one day better for them.

I've seen a change in Treyson lately. He's become more clingy to his dad and really needy of me. He doesn't want to sleep alone. Wants to be held etc.

I think he knows something is up......

I know these pictures are sort of weird and demonstrate my amazing camera skills (no my hair is NOT reddish orange... and yes my facial expressions were not planned.) - but I want those who care (all 2 of them) A) to see how ridiculous my belly looks and B) to see how Treyson wraps himself around it to sleep next to me

Treyson's Party

We had a fun, low-key party for Treyson this year decked out in his matching PJ top. He was super excited about blowing out his candles and eating ALL the frosting off the cake! He spent the whole party eating each individual frosting polka dot off the cake. He ate so much frosting in fact, that his poop was blue the next day and stained his little bum blue too! Though he was more interested in the cake than the presents; his favorite was a mini-squeeze shoot with a cow. big surprise.

We had a fun time and wished everyone could have come!

Thanks to my sister for taking some pictures. I could NOT bend down and get any good ones. Not to mention, Treyson hates taking pictures and refuses to look at the camera.