a year.

Treyson John is now a year old. I can not believe he lived this long. And, I'm not kidding. I thought, for sure, I would screw something up. I am pretty proud of myself. I am one of those people who doubts themselves on everything. EVERYTHING. and, being a mother is no different. Every insecurity I have ever felt about my own weaknesses and struggles have been magnified ten times as I attempt to mold a small, wiggly newborn into a baby, into a toddler, into a child, into a crackley voiced pre-teen, into a teenager and finally, one day, a man.

I am not even remotely close to "up to the challenge"; however, having a child has made me realize how intricately we as women work with our Heavenly Father. I never got that. I never felt important. Now I do. The transition into motherhood hasn't been as easy for ME as it is for some people. I felt guilty for that for many months. It wasn't that I didn't love Treyson to pieces, but rather, I missed finding challenges for myself and growing individually in various ways. I despised staying at home day after day.

Now, I couldn't imagine being anywhere else. I really mean that. I am so grateful I can honestly say I have not missed a day of Treyson's first 366 days of life. That is becoming more and more rare for many mothers.

For memory's sake: I want to remember how happy Treyson is. I do not consider myself an overally optomistic person. Treyson is constantly smiling. It's sort of strange. You wonder if he'll ever stop smiling. He even smiles in his sleep. That is what I love best about HIM. Who HE is. He is happy. He snuggles still. He'll wrap his little hands around your neck, head butt you as hard as he can and then twist your hair around his finger as he falls to sleep. He is passionate about what he wants and doesn't want. He is fiercely independent, yet more loving than I ever pictured a male child being. He makes everyone who comes in contact with him his best friend. I think he'll always be this way. Let's just hope he starts walking before he turns 2.

We love you Treyson.