Motherly Anxiety

I feel as though my anxiety regarding Treyson is not as psychotic as a year ago; nevertheless, I find myself stressing again of some things which are simply out of my control. I use this blog to vent.

1. He is thin. We have always struggled with filling his little tummy because he is much more interested in the cows, dog, truck, ANYTHING than his food. I just had him weighed and though he is on the charts still, he is so light! Everytime someone says something about being "SO light" or "skinny", I cringe. It's like a competition to see who has the fattest baby. I am PROUD I breastfed Treyson till 11.5 months and know he has the "tall, thin genes" from both Trevor and me and our families. And I can not force feed the shrimp. Mashed potatoes are more fun flung at the wall anyway.

2. He is STILL not walking and 14.5 months. It makes me sick to my stomach now. Mostly because I have seen him stand on his own, and take steps. He just won't do it on his own. It's like he has NO desire to do so. AND, lately we have seen his left foot turn way out when he takes steps. It might just be him "figuring it out" but I wonder if it is something more serious. Forrest Gump comes to mind. "RUN FOREST RUN". Trevor has been doing what he deems "corrective therapy" and it actually has helped. We think it might be related to his now retired walker toy which he had to walk oddly with to avoid hitting the wheels. I DONT KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! His pediatrician says ALL babies walk at different times and won't even think about it till Treyson is 18 months old. Then, we can reevaluate if he is still walking. I have talked to tons of moms whose babies didn't walk till 16, 18, even 20 months AND last time I checked, I didn't know any 30 year olds who still crawl. Did I mention that his 8.5 month old cousin, Maddie, is WALKING? no pressure or anything.

I think I just FIND things to worry about. I have too much time on my hands apparently. Anyone else a worrier? It's so lame. I think, if I weren't mormon, I would probably smoke a lot of something to relax. (That is a joke. 100% joke. )

Here is the 21 lb., advanced crawler, CUDDLY, hair pulling, praying, screaming, talking, phone calling, cow lover, who is still really really handsome and truly perfect.

lessons.

Hello! Worst blogger ever here.

Life has been throwing some curves our way as of late. I've found myself upset. sad. angry. negative. hating the way things "are" and even how I look. more often than not - the most in my entire 25 years of life. I was starting to get sick of myself and avoiding conversations about my life so I wouldn't find myself complaining to those I love.

Granted, in some ways, my reactions were justified; however, I hate feeling this way.

Easter morning. Normally a day of family togetherness, traditions, bunnies, rainboys, sunshine and joy. Combine with conference? = good day for Andrea.

I awoke to make pastel, easter egg pancakes and instead found freezing cold temperatures, a grouchy teething child and a husband, who had already left to hit the fields to save some cows. Gone half of my magical Easter sunday.

As I sat, in tears, watching conference alone on Easter sunday morning. I was so frusterated. I don't know, or haven't yet learned, how to stand up for what I want and what I feel is right, in a peaceful, loving way while still supporting Trevor and his dreams. I'm not even angry at Trevor. I know, a lot of times, things are out of even his control. I just want to grasp the life I want for myself and my family and make it happen. Not be sad all the time. Yet, it just often seems what I WANT can not happen.

Then came the infamous quote I am tempted to paint in bright red letters on my wall . Something along the lines of "How you respond can change the course of your life."

That quote hit me like a ton of bricks.

So, I decided to be happy for the rest of the day.

It was hard for me.

Trevor finally came home, we had an Easter dinner and watched conference. He had to leave 3 more times to check cows, feed cows, deliver a cow, but it was, all in all, an okay day.

It wasn't ideal.

It wasn't perfect.

I wasn't jumping with joy like I imagined.

BUT, I felt like I learned something greater than my sadness.

I felt like Trevor and Treyson went to bed happier than they would have if I had "fought" for what I wanted.

I suppose that is my greatest role as a mother and wife.

For my family to go to bed happy.

I just wish I could learn to balance standing up for myself and what I want while still making everyone else happy....For now, I'll work on making my reactions worthy of my Savior and myself.

Did you learn anything on Easter?

Thanks to Jenna R. for the photo!

Two things about Andrea

I hate posting pictures of myself on this blog. In my opinion, it's wierd to take pictures of yourself and put them on a blog. No one wants to see me. They want to see Treyson and talk about him. Obviously. And no one needs to comment on this post. (this is not a "shower me with compliment post." I'll let you know when that comes!) . None the less, I have done something I am proud of. I have worn my hair curly for a week straight.

I have a huge complex with the fro. I think it comes from years of being made fun of for it. Do you know, a boy in 8th grade used to call me "PUBE HEAD"!?!?! Yes. True. PUBES. ew. I don't even like the way that word SOUNDS. It used to be even more curly. and large. It's still large, but the curl has calmed down a tad. I'm working to gain my confidence back in my curly, natural, pube (ew. there it is again.) hair. I wore it every where, everyday without a straightener in sight.

Here's to embracing the natural (and saving an hour a day getting ready!). You should try it too. (and a side note. I will NEVER embrace my natural chest size.....just sayin...)

Oh, and Treyson is my best friend even tho I look 40 and albino.

Off to spend the next three days with Jenna and Morgan. Peeing pants.

Little Man's Dream

It is true, I often cuss living in the country. I'm a 100% city girl. Then, there are days when I realize, this is a dream world for my little man. What a fun life he will have here. And, let's be honest, it's not about ME anymore.

This has nothing to do with the post. I just love it. Treyson loves his friends, Will and Nate Murdock. He leaned up against Nate (or on TOP of Nate) the whole time we were at their house. It was so cute. Trevor wants to know why TReyson cuddles with boys. ;)

Pretty

Isn't Treyson pretty? We stayed up late a few nights ago to see dad and go to Outback. (Thanks for the giftcard m&d). Nothing like a good steak at 9pm. And I wonder why I've gained 5 lbs? :)

Nothing exciting here lately. Just enduring the remains of winter and awaiting the warmth and sunshine we so desperately desire.

Jenna and Morgan are coming to visit next week. Then Alisha is coming the week after!!! Can we say EXCITED? Who needs Prozac when you have such amazing friends who are willing to travel from Arizona, So Cal and Utah to you in your field of cows?

i am so lucky.

Trey's new trick

As stated in previous post, Treyson refuses to walk. Do you blame him? Why walk when you are showered with attention and love, and carried anywhere you want by everyone you see? We're such enablers.

At least he's showing progress. When we say "Treyson. Stand up!" The following occurs:

PS Don't you love my messy room? haha.

Spring has Sprung

Exploring our (large) yard.

In honor of the season finale of the BACHELOR TONIGHT, and the lovely weather starting March with a bang, I would like to show you the cutest child alive. Who will, undoubtably, grow up to be a) better looking than Jake b) Less femmy than Jake (anyone elses Gaydar go off?) c) a better dresser than Jake.

And, might I add, he will NEVER, EVER date a girl who has 1. horrid extensions 2. cellulite bearing, sparkly dresses from Charlotte Russe 3. worked at resteraunts named after female body parts (no offense to those of my friends who have) 4. been in a bikini cotest

Joking aside, I love this little man. He still isn't walking (is it bad I'm a little HAPPY about that?), but will stand up on command. He thinks it's the coolest thing ever and claps for himself each time. I think he would be an excellent surfer.

He also is going through a very "loving" phase. He hugs and pats EVERYTHING. His favorite things to hug include Trevor's socks. He takes them out, one by one and gives them a hug while patting the socks on the "back". Oh, how I wish I could snap a picture of that!

He is a screamer. We call him "the raptor" at times. He loves to throw his head back, squint his eyes and let out the most excited screech you have ever heard. This will, no doubt, not be as charming in a year.

He was recently introduced to the show "Yo Gabba Gabba." I wish he never had been. This is the strangest, creepiest show ever. I feel I should verify the main guy in it is not on the sex offenders list. Nonetheless, Treyson LOVES it. As soon as he hears the theme song, he does the following : crawls around in a circle two times, claps, and crawls to the tv. Stands up right in front of it, pointing at the screen and begins the "old man dance". This involves sqatting quickly and repeatedly and shaking the butt. I'll have to upload the video. He's got moves.

Treyson does not really like toys. He occasionally plays with his ball or his tractor. Most of the time, he finds great entertainment in my kitchen and bedroom drawers. Currently his favorite is my bottom dresser drawer full of lingerie. Often, he can be found with a lacy thong on his head. He also likes to take certain box of contraceptive tools and put his cheerios in and out of it. This has Trevor a little concerned.

Treyson loves to jabber. He has learned to get my cell phone, hold it up to his ear, call someone, and proceed to "talk" for several minutes. Many a friend/family member, has received a urprise call from Treyson. My apologies. Just indulge him. His words include, "Mom," "Dad," "ball", "uhoh", "DOAAAA" (dog). Most of the time, you (and me) will have no clue what he is saying, but he is very obviously, communicating in his Avatar language. I fear years of Speech therapy have been inherited from his father.

We are enjoying the wonderful weather. Trey has a lot of fun outside, till he eats Jag the dog's turds. Then we run inside, dry heaving.

Loving this age..