Hello! Worst blogger ever here.
Life has been throwing some curves our way as of late. I've found myself upset. sad. angry. negative. hating the way things "are" and even how I look. more often than not - the most in my entire 25 years of life. I was starting to get sick of myself and avoiding conversations about my life so I wouldn't find myself complaining to those I love.
Granted, in some ways, my reactions were justified; however, I hate feeling this way.
Easter morning. Normally a day of family togetherness, traditions, bunnies, rainboys, sunshine and joy. Combine with conference? = good day for Andrea.
I awoke to make pastel, easter egg pancakes and instead found freezing cold temperatures, a grouchy teething child and a husband, who had already left to hit the fields to save some cows. Gone half of my magical Easter sunday.
As I sat, in tears, watching conference alone on Easter sunday morning. I was so frusterated. I don't know, or haven't yet learned, how to stand up for what I want and what I feel is right, in a peaceful, loving way while still supporting Trevor and his dreams. I'm not even angry at Trevor. I know, a lot of times, things are out of even his control. I just want to grasp the life I want for myself and my family and make it happen. Not be sad all the time. Yet, it just often seems what I WANT can not happen.
Then came the infamous quote I am tempted to paint in bright red letters on my wall . Something along the lines of "How you respond can change the course of your life."
That quote hit me like a ton of bricks.
So, I decided to be happy for the rest of the day.
It was hard for me.
Trevor finally came home, we had an Easter dinner and watched conference. He had to leave 3 more times to check cows, feed cows, deliver a cow, but it was, all in all, an okay day.
It wasn't ideal.
It wasn't perfect.
I wasn't jumping with joy like I imagined.
BUT, I felt like I learned something greater than my sadness.
I felt like Trevor and Treyson went to bed happier than they would have if I had "fought" for what I wanted.
I suppose that is my greatest role as a mother and wife.
For my family to go to bed happy.
I just wish I could learn to balance standing up for myself and what I want while still making everyone else happy....For now, I'll work on making my reactions worthy of my Savior and myself.
Did you learn anything on Easter?
Thanks to Jenna R. for the photo!
15 educated comments:
I learned that I need to listen more to those I love.
I learned how to make rolls that cannot be used as hockey pucks too!
i love your honest updates! i have a grumpy teething child, too and a husband who is using his day off to study, study, study. from conference yesterday, i learned that being a mother is the most challenging and important job in the world.
where is your house?--between parma and caldwell?
You are strong. Hang in there darling.
I learned how individual the gospel is. I went to the temple the day before conference to be spiritually ready for the messages we were going to hear. In my same session a girl was going through to receive her own endowment. She was MAYBE 20. Her YOUNG fiance was with her along with her darling family. What was a joyous day for her was an, "Are you kidding me?!" moment for me. I wanted to cry. I felt so alone. I wanted to be that girl so bad. I thought, "When is it ever going to be MY turn?"
I was determined to feel God's love for me. My prayers were answered during conference.
I realized how amazing of a mother I had and how I need to cherish her more.
I learned that God knew me, and even though there were people listening to the same talks as me, I may have been getting something completely different out of them.
"How you respond can change the course of your life." Just like you that quote hit me the hardest.
keep on keeping on andrea. sounds like you are close to the spirit, and really, that is going to be the best thing for anybody. thanks for your example.
Andrea I love you. Didnt you say that you married Trevor so that you would learn to "BUCK UP"??? My sincere suggestion is that you read some autobiographies or stories about pioneer families. Your eyes will probably then be opened to just how good you have it. After spending 6 months last year away from Kali I have learned to appreciate the middle of the night cuddle or hand clasp. These moments are precious and tender to me when I think of all the other guys on the pipeline who are still waking up by themselves 6 months out of the year. You must draw on that strength that you showed that night I asked if you had taken into consideration what it would be like to be a wife of a rancher and you told me that you would just have to "BUCK UP" when it got tough because you loved Trevor and would be able to handle it. Love you. Hopefully we can stay up late when you come visit and garage sale daily;) Need to tune back into property class now!:)
i admire your selflessness. yes, trevor and treyson went to bed happier, but did you? really and truly?
if you keep on putting your needs, wants, desires, etc. on the back burner you will start to resent trevor and you will never be happy.
you can stick up for what you believe, need, want...without "fighting".
xo.
you have such a good attitude. I love your honesty and I love that you are such a real person. You are so great. Just keep it up!
andrew and i watched that talk again yesterday morning. i plan on making a design with that quote. I just loved everything about it.
loved this post :) I was feeling sorry for myself yesterday too.. having to spend Easter without my husband AGAIN this year. But, conference was a big booster, even if one of the biggest things I learned was that trying to WATCH conference with a very uninterested almost 4 year old.. doesn't work that well ;) I did LOVE the talks that touched on motherhood, hearing our leaders talk about how important and appreciated our job is always makes me feel better about myself!
love your post and your honesty i look up to you your a strong mom and wife. good for you.im one of those people that apply the "i would be happy if/when..." i have just now realized that i can waste sooo much of my life wishing things were what they arent... so good for you for choosing to be happy.
want to go into business with me while our husbands build theirs? then we could be busy together.
Well, my advice remains the same :) Go talk to your Bishop and get a blessing. Then bring Trevor in there and talk to him together.
You are awesome Andrea. Being a wife and mother does NOT mean being a martyr. You need to be able to fill up your cup regularly so it doesn't run on empty.
Both parties need to be doing 100% to make the other happy. This means giving a little from both ends and meeting at a happy place for both of you.
PS After the Bishop meeting, I suggest having a family council. Sit down together for a good old companionship inventory :) and talk about your needs and come up with a few things that you guys could do/change/work on that would help you to be happy and have him do the same.
what cathy said, EXACTLY.
Post a Comment