Internal Struggles

Let's first establish. I am NOT a shopper.

Correction: I AM a shopper if things are 75% off. I just don't understand paying full price for anything. Especially when you know it's already been marked up 300% from the cost of production. Stick it to the man.
(I have struggles, this we know.)

However, this creating of two female children is causing me strife. Perhaps, it wouldn't be a huge deal to spend $25 on a nice dress for baby. BUT, TWO nice dresses at once? $50? That's a weeks worth of groceries.

These are the struggles I have. Yes, my life is SO hard. But if these things were staring you in the face on a daily basis, you would struggle too. RIGHT?

So here's to a not so subtle hint to all my rich parents/inlaws/grandparents/aunts/uncles/second cousins/long lost millionaire best friends.

(And no, none of those exist)

Soaking it Up

Trey dancing to the alphabet song.

A few too many contractions caused the doctor to order me today to do "90% less" than I'm doing now and to spend at least 3 hours laying down. I'm not sure how to do that, but it must be done.

In the meantime, I've seen a lot of growth in Trey lately. His speech is improving. He busts out these things I don't know how he learned (certainly not from me...). He acts like a little boy more and more. It's bitter sweet. Time never goes fast for me like some people say; but, I do wish I could rewind to certain days and just remember better what it was like. I suppose that's why I have this blog more than anything. I STILL have major anxiety something bad will happen to Treyson. Is THAT normal? Is it normal at 2 years old to still check his breathing a couple times a night? Anyone else as crazy as me?

Anyway. Treyson turns two in a couple weeks. He is obsessed with his new yellow irrigating boots. Sleeps in them, and bathes with them.

He is ALWAYS dirty and I fear I have the white trash child I always forbade - but whatever, the kid likes dirt and being crusty.
He still never eats, but is somehow still alive.
He now walks out a room, often flashing a peace sign and saying "Peace, momma".
He makes the funniest faces on cue.
He has whole conversations with you even though 50% of it you will not comprehend.
He moved to a big boy bed after catapulting several times out of his crib (hard and exhausting on all of us..).

He begs to go to work with dad and "poppop" every day. Of course, in full work get-up.

Oh, how time flies.

Thoughts on Twins

Please note Trey's ridiculously cute grin as he sat in his bathtub sans water (he always refuses to get out).

A LOT of people ask me how I feel about having twins in between their "glad it's you and not me" snickers. So, if you're curious.

To be honest, I'm not one of those women who feels incredibly close to their babies in utero. I don't think it hit me I was having a child till Treyson was lying on my chest after his birth. I feel the same way with the twins. Despite the pain I go through daily, I just feel like it's surreal. Like, there's not REALLY two babies inside of me.

BUT, there is. And we're grateful.

Even excited some times!

As each day goes by, closer to Dday (which, who knows when it REALLY is), I find myself more and more terrified. I know a lot of my friends are pregnant with second babies. That's scary to think of going from one to two.

One to three? inconceivable.

Yes, I am terrified. I lay in bed last night at 3am in tears, wondering how I will possibly nurse/burp/change two babies while still giving Treyson the attention he deserves. I know kids are resilient and he will be better off with siblings; however, if I were him, I'd be mad. and sad. and confused. Who springs two newborns on their only, eldest child? Millions of worries plague my once bleached head (and the bleach returns in a couple weeks for those my blonde loyal friends).

Yet, I know.....no matter how stretched my skin gets, how bad my back/hip/crotch/stomach hurts, how little I sleep, how deprived for attention my children/husband get......somehow, we will get through it. I know, with a lot of help from Heavenly Father and a little Prozac, I can do anything.

Right?

I guess I'll be putting to test the "You're never given more than you can handle" idea.

And now, I'm going to go watch "Teen Mom"

Because that show makes me feel a little better about my abilities.

Please notice the rays of light coming from my belly. These children are going to be angelic.....or something.
And, if you think I had anything to do with that wallpaper or swag, you are WRONG.

Morning Routine

I'm trying better to document every day happenings around here. Since we really don't do too many "exciting" outings, I better document the little things, right!?

Treyson has a new obsession with cereal. He HAS to have it straight from the bag as soon as he wakes up. I'm sure it's not the healthiest, but we'll do anything to pack some calories on his skinny rear. :)

Big

Even though Treyson is actually a pretty small kid (literally), he seems so much older to me lately. I can't imagine how I'll feel when the twins are here to compare him too. He's such an easy, fun, wild, sweet boy. There has been more than one date night lately, we've opted to bring him along.

Not b/c we had to, but because we wanted to.

These pictures are horrible (I have a hard time manuevering my body (quickly....or at all) and Trey has a hard time staying in one place), but I want to remember how he looked at 23 months.

Real Life

Typical day. Treyson pantsless. Skinny, Ethipoian thighs. Stained shirt. Cowboy hat.

Eating fries with two fry sauces b/c it's the only thing he'll eat some days.

30 weeks

Let's start this post with something actually cute.

Boys. In matching sweaters and cheesy grins.

I could probably write a lot about the differences between twin and singleton pregnancies. BUT, reaching 30 weeks means reaching laziness. Twin pregnancy is really just like a singleton times two. You hurt more, sleep less, eat more, jiggle more and pee more. Basically all more.

Feeling a LOT of anxiety re. the "unknowns" of the few weeks to come. I get asked the same questions 400 times a day (which is fine, I am blessed to have so many people who care to know. seriously). We really don't know much other than this:


1. The babies will come when they want. The average twin is born at 35 weeks. More than likely, my doctor won't let me go past 38 weeks due to rapid placenta deterioration which can occur.
2. My doctors appts. are every other week for the next 4 weeks, than every week. As we get closer, we'll see if Csection is a possibility. Of course, I do NOT want one - but I'm not in charge.
3. Everything "looks" great.
4. I gain all my weight in my chipmunk cheeks and thighs. My body is SO different with this pregnancy and it's been super difficult for me - I'm embarassed to admit. No matter who you are, pregnancy changes your body and it's never easy to see those changes. As grateful as I am for babies, (and the ease of which we've had them), I do wish I had more control of the effects of pregnancy. Make sense?
5. The biggest fear I have right now, is how to divide my attention between Treyson (who right now, is all I can comprehend as my "world") and two newborns.

6. No, I have nothing ready. If it weren't for my parents and some dear, generous friends - my children would be sleeping on the floor, naked.

We took some pictures this morning b/c for once I wasn't in sweats and no make up.

I freaked when I saw the first one, bawled when I saw the second, and then made TRevor take 500 more till my face didn't look quite as double chin-ey. (Those of you who are blessed with non-round faces. You suck.)

My father in law saw me at church and told me I looked like a chubby zebra. He loves me

Someone explain to me why your legs turn to tree trunks during pregnancy. I don't understand it. Oh, and explain to me whose great idea green sponge painting was.

I put up a full body shot so you can all blow it up and be jealous.