Sundays

I love Sundays. Being unable (or rather, choosing not to take the girls out) to get out is sometimes frusterating, yet, I feel like life is really simple right now. We eat, burp, play and sleep. We don't run to Target, or Home Depot, or Costco. We just enjoy our family and our little house.

Making treats w/mom Oakley

Reagan

4 weeks

26 months

The neglect of Treyson.

Reagan Anna.

Oakley June.

Yes, Alive!

The past month has been, honestly, the most insane month of my life. We bought a house. We redid a house. We were the size of a small continent. We birthed two children in 5 minutes. We birthed calves every middle of the night. We deflated, leaving our stomach looking like a 90 year old fat woman's. We had moms and mother in laws living with us. We had meals brought over. We had doctors appointments, and hair appointments resulting in too short, too yellow blonde hair on top of the disgusting body (awesome self esteem boost). We moved. We had sprained wrists, falls down stairs, falls out of the trailor unloading furniture (resulting in reinjured privates....nice), an infestation of mice (anyone recall my curse? IT CONTINUES!), 2 year molars, 104 degree temps, 24 hour work days, and the kicker - the worst colds known to man which memories of RSV still fresh in our heads.... We shed a lot of tears this month, pumped a lot of milk and said a few unkind words. None the less, we're surprisingly happy.

Trevor and I just keep telling ourselves, it will all be over soon! And never again, will we have children during calving season. July baby anyone?

It's funny. I think Heavenly Father uses reverse psychology with me. If things are REALLY hard right off the bat, than everything else seems easy! That is, assuming I don't go Marie Osmond on everyone and leave my children for the coast of Cali. No worries. This will not occur.

I really feel like the past month has brought our family so much closer. Well, except TReyson and I...he still hates me. Trevor and I don't sleep - he's calving heifers, I'm milking for two (whole other post...), but when we do see each other, we can't help but laugh. IS THIS OUR LIFE? When did we get so fat? Ugly? When did we trade in our Sevens for walmart sweat pants and poop encrusted Cinches (If u don't know what those are, you are not cool)? When did we become parents of 3? I'm sorry, are we 26 or 45???

Oh, how we love our kids. This is a positive. A parent should really probably love their children. Being a parent of newborn twins and a 2 year old is insane. It's nonstop, high stress, high blood pressure, exhaustion; but, like all parenting, it's also a whole lot of love. I'm sure my children (esp. Treyson) will probably be psychologically damaged from the experiences, but I hope they look back when they have their own kids and wonder HOW we did it? I think about my own mom having 3 under 3 and now understand all her present mental handicapps. (Kidding mom.)

I remember once hearing a first time mother of twins boob about how hard it was and how moms of one or two babies didn't understand, but I disagree. Take your most stressful moment. Multiply by two. You get it. Now take those precious, wonderful moments, and multiply by two (3). I get that too! It's great!

To be honest, these girls are really good babies. Trevor and I breed well. They are a little more high maintenance than Treyson (aka easiest baby ever), but they are female. They are excellent sleepers. Sure we have our bad nights, but I just revert to Helaman Halls and remember I CAN pull all nighters!

UPDATES ON THE KIDS:

Treyson: Finding time for Treyson alone time is difficult for me. Luckily, I have Trevor who can take him to work sometimes and extended family to focus on them. I don't think he's too deprived and one day he will forgive me. We're working on getting back to a normal schedule and normal "rules". Grandmas ruin everything! :) He loves his "sissies" and after being on quarantine from them during the bad cold, is showering them with attention. He still refuses to eat. His growth is forever stunted. I'm not kidding. He's little., but so was Trevor and now he's 6'3 so I guess it will all work out. Treyson was rejected from speech therapy a second time. I keep trying...He constantly improves, but really needs help with articulation. Guess I better bust out the books and add "speech therapist" to my resume. His current favorite activity is riding in the "bumpy truck" with his dad and tagging baby calves. Could we seriously have a better life for a little boy? I THINK NOT. Sometimes, I watch Treyson on the video moniter and just cry. I still feel a lot of mom guilt for ending his days of just mom and him. Things are so different, but different is good. Only children have boring lives.

Oakley: Drama. She's going to be spitfire and I knew it from the womb. She beats up her younger (but bigger) sister and constantly causes her to freak out because O is "nursing" her sister's head. She's always wide eyed. Always demanding. Always eating. Very opinionated. She's smart as a whip. Already holding her head up and turning to voices. She doesn't look as alien like anymore as her face is filling out. She's gained almost 2 lbs since birth weight, but is still the tiniest peanut. I like it. She poops only every 4 days and on that 4th day, I can count on throwing whatever outfit she has on away. Trey calls her O. Trevor calls her Oakie. I call her Oaks. We should probably call her drama queen.

Reagan: Pitiful. I don't know how else to describe her. She looks more like Trevor/Treyson and appears to be a lot bigger than O - tho it's only a few ounces. She is sleepier and calmer (most days). She does have worse gas which causes for some long nights, but she's so sad when she cries. Trevor says it's the most pitiful cry he's ever heard. I always feel bad for her. She smiles more than Oakley and is less serious. She loves her binkie and the swing. We call her Reagie Roo. (Honestly. Where do we get these stupid nicknames?)

For those who care about my well being. I'm hanging in there. I sort of hate the newborn stage, but am trying to enjoy it more this go around. If you are looking for me, I'm probably nursing two children and watching my 2 year old destroy my house. I can't move when I'm nursing two like I could with one. I don't ever answer my phone because I can't get to it in time and I am too busy to remember to call people back (but what's new there!?!?). My body is BUTCHERED - which has been hard for me. There's NO WAY it will ever go back to normal without plastic surgery. I already called on it. I'm saving my 4k. I have to eat a ton to make enough milk, but don't have time to make food, much less eat it so maybe I'll lose weight fast.

We are happy. TWINS ARE FUN! They just make a lot of normal things a little more tough. My latest worry is the following...if you can solve my issue, I will send you a prize - that is assuming I ever leave my house again.

I crave diet coke like nobodys business for some reason. BUT, how do I get to the gas station for a fountain drink with crushed ice with Reagan, Oakley and Treyson??? Two baby carriers. Two year old. One blonde. I think my days of DC drinking might be gone. And no, a can is not the same.

This post is long enough. Trey just woke up from his 30 minute nap. Kill me.

XOXOXO

Love the Kids

Moments like these get us through.

Last night, Treyson fell down the stairs resulting in a night of screaming pain, and what we thought might be a broken wrist. Trevor stayed up with Treyson (who didn't want to a thing to do with me). I stayed up with the babies. It was SO HARD. Like hard to the point, I actually took 5 minutes, locked myself in a spare room and bawled my eyes out
.

Between calving season, the new house redos, babies coming out of our ears, and hormones, we're pretty much a mess around here.

BUT, there are singular minutes in which life again, seems familiar.

And not all of them are when all the kids are sleeping......

:)

Treyson's Reaction

hated the IV's in my arms, the doctors,and hospital in general.

1st Family Photo

Mauling his sister.

Perhaps the most difficult part of bringing home twins is the reaction of the fair haired favorite. It's been so hard for me. I feel awful for taking the attention away from him and Treyson's reactions are not making it easier.

First of all, he LOVES the babies. Everytime he walks in the room he says "HI BABIES!" in this adorable high pitched, sweet, voice. He loves to tickle them, sing to them, turn on their bouncers/swings/ toys (running the batteries down...) and kiss them. I am so grateful. We are constantly saying "BE GENTLE!" of course.

Treyson's reaction towards me? PURE HATRED. He bites me, hits me, spits on me (someone tell me WHERE he learned this?!) and ONLY wants daddy or Mimi. It absolutely breaks my heart. Like want to die breaks my heart....but I know it's only temporary and someday we'll go back to being best friends. I try so hard to focus attention on him and find time daily to do things with him. He still loves me - he tells me, but he's having a hard time. Sigh.

YES, They are HERE!

Trevor was obviously very concerned about the pain I was in.

Happy for the end of the most physically difficult months of my life.

I have barely any time on my hands at this point...for obvious reasons, but want to try my best to document the twins' lives as well as Treyson's. Forgive me if this blog turns out a lot less.

The twins were born on Monday at 2pm and 2:05 pm. Oakley June came first, weighing 6lb 3 oz, 19 3/4 in and was followed by Reagan Anna, 6lbs 9 oz, 20 1/4 in. They are perfect. Here is their birth story - which, was relatively boring. THANK GOODNESS!

En route to the hospital at 5am. I love this picture because my eyes are puffy from bawling all night. I don't want to forget how difficult, yet powerful that night was. And, moment of silence for the biggest gut ever.

Sunday night was honestly, the most difficult night of my entire life. I didn't sleep a wink. I just felt SO much fear, I spent the whole night awake, and praying my guts out. I didn't like the idea of being induced, I didn't like the idea of keeping them in. I felt horrible guilt for what I was springing on Treyson. I was scared of the pain. Scared something would go wrong. I just felt horrible. I received a Priesthood Blessing from my father and Trevor and felt a little more peace, but still weary.

I almost backed out of the 6am inducement. In fact, we were an hour late. Upon arrival, I was checked (1 cm dialated....I swear, my cervix IS steel) and hooked up to the Pit at 8am. My water was broken around 10am. I really struggled this time knowing what was the "right" time to get the epidural. With Treyson, I waited too long and at 9cm, felt EVERYTHING. This time, I wanted the full effect - but I also knew it might slow things down and I did NOT want a long, horrible, Pitocin-driven labor. I let myself get nice and painful and around 5cm, asked for the epidural around noon. With Treyson, I did not feel a pinch when the epidural was put in because I was in so much pain. This time, I felt it all and though, not really "painful" it was a freaky feeling of which I could really do without ever feeling again.

Good thing I got things done when I did! My cervix is steel, but my body progresses AMAZINGLY fast. An hour later, I was a full 10cm. Once again, no one could believe it - except me who felt Oakley coming in fast. They wheeled me to the OR (all twins are delivered in an OR in case of an emergency C section). I started shaking uncontrollably - possibly from transition or possible because I was SO scared.

The OR had about 6 nurses (2 were my nurses, 2 for babies, and 2 from NICU), 2 doctors, a resident, and some random guy handing scalpels. Heck, Obama could have been in that room and I wouldn't have known it. I was very grateful for the opportunity to shove my feet in stirrups and let half the hospital see my goods. The new doctor actually shook my hand while I lay in this position. I remember saying something to him along the lines of, "well, this is an awkward way to meet."

Oakley came out in 4 pushes. She was easy. She screamed immediately. The strange thing about twins is that they take the baby and check her thoroughly right away. You feel that concern and worry, wanting to know what's going on, BUT then you remember you still have another kid and you still have to get her out. The "extra" doctor was manipulating my uterus from the outside, trying to prevent Reagan from flipping. If she flipped and went transverse or breech, we would have to have surgery. I'd be damned if anyone but a plastic surgeon cut my stomach open.

Reagans heartbeat started to slow down. The doctors tried to speak secret doctor language, but I understood and knew that baby had to get out fast. 2 pushes later, she was out. She was a little slower to react, but was fine.

You think having ONE baby is emotionally overwhelming, try having TWO at ONCE. I have never felt so much fear, anticipation, happiness, joy, psychotic hormonal breakdown in my life. SUCH a tough 9 months. SUCH a happy end to it. We went home from the hospital 24 hours later. Can you believe that?

Reagan (L) Oakley (R)

I believe the thought going through my head at this point was either "I'm starving" or "Holy crap....two."

Trevor and I still revel in the blessings we have received. Who has such an "easy" twin pregnancy with two perfect babies? We don't take it for granted and there isn't a night that goes by we don't thank our Heavenly Father. Yes, it's hard now. So hard.

But honestly, I can't help but smile even at 3am, rocking 2 screaming babies feeling the horrible uterine contractions. Watching the milk spill onto my still 6 month pregnant stomach. Oh, wait, you didn't know I was having triplets????

Trevor choose Oakleys middle name. Originally it was "jade" but that had a stripper ring to it so he chose "June" instead. Which I adore because I think she looks like a little bug with her huge eyes. June Bug. Reagan's middle name is after my best friend, my great grandma Anna Hamm. She is a Lithuanian spitfire who recently, at 94, is beginning to show some mental deterioration.

The girls couldn't look more different. Oakley is TINY and delicate with big lips and big eyes. Reagan looks more fat with a little mouth and slightly droopy eyes (Trevor). Reagans hair is more blonde, Oakley's more brown - but we'll see! Oakley is crazy, always awake, always wanting to eat and active. Reagan is more like Treyson was. Sleepy, laid back and a beast to get to eat.

Monday

On Monday, at 6am, I will go to the hospital to have our babies. Yes, I am being induced. No, I am not super happy about this. I would LOOOVE to just let things happen naturally, but my doctor informed me, I could probably carry to 40 weeks plus, and with twins, I do not feel comfortable doing so. Not only is my body maxed out with seemingly permanent damage, but there are many risks for carrying twins so long as well. I feel strongly that by 38 weeks and 3 days, the twins will be strong and healthy. That is what I'm praying. Again, the decisions mothers are faced with make me want to literally throw up.
Since when did I have so much responsibility?

We had a fabulous day with Treyson. He was so good and ran a million errands with my mom/sis and me. We took him to see TANGLED and gave him way too many french fries and ice cream. What a skinny little, sweet boy. I look at him and really can't imagine what any other child will look like or be like besides like HIM. The idea is baffling to me, but all will soon be clear. I still feel horrible guilt for changing his world so much, but I know it's all in our Father's plan for us and as a result, ALL will be well.

We're excited. I'm terrified. Treyson is clueless. My mom and dad and sister are here and I'm grateful. Trevor went out of town today and I didn't go into labor. prayer answered. I'm glad tomorrow is Sunday. A day of rest and a day with our little family.

Did I mention I'm terrified? I have no idea what to expect. Flashes of the pain from Trey's birth are coming back to me. Babies having something wrong. Me having something go wrong. CSections (babies are currently head down, but you never know w/twinners). That THROBBING penicillin going into my vein thanks to group B.

BUT, then I think about the joy that comes from just ONE baby. How lucky are we to have TWO at once??? And then, to have Treyson come and meet his sisters - the girls he will protect his whole life. I think I'll take all 4 of them (Trevor too!) and keep them in my hospital bed forever.

Asking our dear friends and family to pray things go smoothly for us.

And that I don't chicken out and run for the hills.

Just a few thoughts.

Stay tuned.......